Today it was hard to see dad struggle to talk, but it was encouraging to hear what he was trying to say. I mentioned that Pastor Ormiston had stopped over and had hoped to share some encouragement from thinking through the sovereignty of God (but mom and dad were asleep). Dad talked to me all through his brunch.

First he asked me what we got from the sovereignty of God and I said right now, comfort is about all I can think of (this isn’t dumb, random chance) and he agreed. Then he alluded to our conversation on Paul’s prayer in 1 Corinthians and how we so often we don’t pray rightly. He said the most encouraging thing after that: “when I get out of here, I’m going to find 2 or 3 people and we’re going to learn how to pray”. We talked through how differently we see prayer in the New Testament, and he was talking how he wanted to go through the examples as a group.

He mentioned how we pray for jobs and to get through hard times, but miss the point (the spiritual side of what God is doing).

He acknowledged that times like these are where we struggle with the sovereignty of God, but I think I was supposed to connect that to the conversation on prayer (he nods off to sleep mid sentence, then 45 sec. later continues with the conversation as if he was awake the whole time… Thoughts don’t always flow clearly)

It seems he’s been working through how to pray through all this and has decided he wants to learn to pray better, because praying for healing and simple resolution seems to miss the whole point of what our Sovereign God is doing.

It was also encouraging to hear him say things like:

– When I get out of here, and get the family room done, the first thing I want to do is get a Lego set to build together with Benjamin.

He is still planning on recovering and focusing on wanting to grow closer to God. Not sure what more I could hope for right now, besides miraculous healing.

Today we got the results of the bone marrow biopsy and when asked how he was doing, dad’s comment was something along the lines of “God is in control and He is good. He hasn’t changed just because I got cancer.”

As we were wrapping up, him explaining to us the treatment plan and where we’re going from here, dad said something like “I don’t want anyone begging God to heal me because they feel like He owes them or something.”

I got a chance to just sit and talk with dad for quite awhile.  I asked if there was a passage he wanted me to read and he instantly said Colossians 1.  He stopped me as I started to read at verse 9 – pointing out that this is the prayer that Paul was praying for the Colossians:

⁹ And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, ¹⁰ so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; ¹¹ being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; ¹² giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. ¹³ He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

After I finished reading dad’s comments were something like this (probably out of order, based only off my memory [so paraphrased/reworded], and missing some anecdotal bunny trails):

Notice that Paul wasn’t praying for their health, financial needs, etc.  Part of the reason that Christianity in America is so anemic is because we never get past health, finances, etc.  We can pray for these things, but we’re missing the point.  Paul prays for a filling knowledge of God’s will, spiritual wisdom and understanding – and that they would walk well, etc.  God didn’t give me cancer so that he could heal me and get the glory – He’s got a bigger plan and it involves using this to get us closer to Him.

I don’t want people praying just for my healing.  We should be praying for God to use this in all of our lives to do what Paul prayed for.

It was really encouraging to see him sit on his hospital bed, concerned that his children would miss God’s real working here.  He wanted to make sure I was praying rightly, thinking rightly, and talking correctly with his grandchildren about what God is doing with this.

Still in ICU, after praying just before I left, David was there and dad made a point of reminding us that no matter what, for the Christian, it’s just the shadow of death – no matter whether he gets better or not.

Sunday, after I got to ER, I asked dad if there was a passage he wanted me to read.  He immediately said Psalm 23.  After that, we started reading Psalm 91.  The ambulance guys came to move him to the hospital before we finished.

At the hospital, we started reading Psalm 91 again, but were interrupted with intake procedures and his episodes, before he was moved to ICU.  In ICU he was too worn out.

Monday morning around 2am, I prayed with dad before I left for the night, after they had somewhat stabilized him.  Dad surprised me by praying after me – he prayed something to the effect – “Thank you that we’re just going through the valley of the shadow of death, no stopping, but passing through.”

On Monday 10/10/16 my dad went to the doctor because of low energy and shortness of breath. He was diagnosed with anemia, with future specialist visits to determine the cause. On Tuesday (10/11) evening he felt like he was coming down with a cold/virus that got worse over the next few days. Sunday (10/16), he went to the emergency room not feeling well. They took him by ambulance to North Memorial. The oncologist stayed late because the blood test numbers were concerning and warned that it could be leukemia. Around 9pm, he was moved to ICU. He was given a couple units of blood that helped. The diagnosis was made a few days later as leukemia.  This following posts will reflect what dad has been saying and focusing on through this.